The Old Testament is the best. I'd need an extra hand to count all the times I've used it to justify selling my daughters into slavery. Fortunately, I was fighting some dude and my wife touched his genitals, so I actually do have an extra hand. You can even use the Old Testament as an excuse to keep a hypocritical position of excessive power.
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Tags: Jon Stewart, Mark Sanford, South Carolina, The Bible, The Daily Show