• Glenn Beck Will Teach You How to Think

    You know what one of the hardest things about being a real American patriot is these days? Learning what to believe and how to believe it. Am I right, people?

    I mean, where do we go for the latest version of historical events? And it's certainly no easy task holding two (or more) completely opposing views in your head at the same time! Or how to disable the brain's natural functionality for determining what is and is not happening in front of one's face. Hard! What are we, as a nation, going to do to overcome these obstacles?

    Luckily, the answer is upon us. Before you know it, we'll have something called "The Plan" and we'll all be able to attend one of Glenn Beck's patented teabag indoctrination camps

    Today, I have stopped looking for a leader to show us the way out because I have come to realize that the only one who can truly save our country… is us… There is much to do, much to learn and time is of the essence…

    Education is key, and not just for our children. To that end, we will be conducting a series of conventions. These will be full-day experiences where you will be immersed in learning about topics ranging from self-reliance, community organizing, the economy and how to be a political force in your own neighborhood and country.

    Hmmmm… Sounds good, but is there any kind of simple way to sum this idea up for me. Like, the whole idea. 100 percent of it. In a simple sound bite. What I really want, basically, is a totalitarian idea of this thing

    "We need to start thinking like the Chinese," Mr. Beck said at a recent rally. "I'm developing a 100 year plan for America."

    Just in case you were wondering, I gave this whole thing a lot of thought, and determined that there is absolutely nothing terrifying about this. So, just relax! Have fun. Tilt your head back and swallow this low-protein gruel. You'll be seeing things Beck's way in no time flat.


    Tags: Glenn Beck, Tea Party

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