• Tom Coburn and Max Baucus In "Mind Control Hijinks!"

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    Those of you who don't watch Tom Coburn's YouTube channel on the regular may have missed yesterday's clip, in which the Senator from Oklahoma tells Max Baucus about a very special resolution he wants to pass by unanimous consent. Fret not! I've turned my recapping hat on…

    TOM COBURN (R-OK): For my next dickish move, I want to delay voting until Max Baucus can guarantee that every single member of the Senate has read the health care bill and understands it and can maybe recite parts of it from memory. I'm not trying to stall, here, it's just that nobody except Rahm Emanuel knows what this bill even says. It's on the internet, but only in .pdf format, so that doesn't count.

    MAX BAUCUS (D-MT): Can I say something?

    POOR SAP IN CHARGE OF RUNNING THE SENATE THAT DAY: Sure.

    MAX BAUCUS: Look, Tom, of course we should read the bill, but I don't have the ability to control people's brains or guarantee their levels of understanding, even if they've read the entire thing backwards and forwards. How exactly would that work? You want me to hand out a reading comprehension test? Multiple choice questions?

    TOM COBURN [!Direct quote alert!]: "I'm saying that Tom Coburn tell his constituency, I've read this puppy, I've spent the time on it, I've read the manager's amendment, and I in fact certify to the people of Oklahoma I know how terrible it's gonna be for their health care."

    MAX BAUCUS: If that is what you'd like to tell your constituents, you're more than welcome.

    TOM COBURN: Tom Coburn hates this puppy. Tom Coburn wants you to guarantee that everyone knows how terrible this puppy is.

    MAX BAUCUS: I cannot guarantee that anyone knows anything. You are proving this point, actively, right now.

    (TOM COBURN punches SNOOKI in the face.)

    The End.


    Tags: Health Care, Max Baucus, Oklahoma, Puppies!, Senate, Tom Coburn

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