• Alert: Aftershocks Hit Haiti, Massachusetts

    sirenAlert #1: Last night weird, naked Republican Scott Brown won the Massachusetts Senate seat that had been held by a Kennedy since the Kennedys first dropped r's on American soil, which means the Democrats have lost their filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. Now all hope of passing health care reform is lost, and the world is carrying on accordingly

    Drugmakers' shares posted the biggest gains in Asia and Europe today on speculation U.S. President Barack Obama’s plan to overhaul the health-care system will be derailed after Democrats lost a key Senate seat.

    "The health-care bill has a negative impact on health-care stocks as it basically limits the price of drugs," Takeru Ogihara, who helps oversee $27 billion as chief strategist at Mizuho Trust & Banking Co., said by telephone from Tokyo.

    So if you can't afford your kid's asthma medication, all you have to do is invest in health care stocks and use the dividends to buy inhalers. Problem solved.

    sirenAlert #2: This morning a 6.1 magnitude aftershock hit Haiti, which means a 6.1 magnitude aftershock hit Haiti. Rescue operations are ongoing, and the world is watching anxiously

    The U.S. Geological Survey said the new quake hit at 6:03 a.m. about 56 kilometers northwest of the capital of Port-au-Prince. It struck at a depth of 22 kilometers but was too far inland to generate any tidal waves in the Caribbean.

    Wails of terror rose Wednesday as frightened survivors of last week's quake poured out of unstable buildings. It was not immediately possible to ascertain what additional damage the new quake may have caused.

    We'll be waiting to see which of these two events constitutes "a curse by one thing after the other" in Pat Robertson's mind.


    Tags: Democrats, Haiti, Health Care, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts, Republicans, Scott Brown, Senate

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.