Hopefully, Ben Greenman's Fragments From "Edwards: The Musical will do for John Edwards what Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats did for Mr. Mistoffelees. (Most people forget this, but his career was in the toilet before that musical, too.)
I'm running for president,
The highest office in the land.
Look, I'm right there in the mirror,
Smoothing my hair down with my hand.
I am handsome. Yes, it's true.
And I am wealthy: that's true, too.
But superficial things like that,
Well, they're just not where I'm at.
You see, I care about the poor.
I often fret about their plight.
I adore the way I look
In this smoky barroom light.
(RIELLE HUNTER spots JOHN EDWARDS at the bar and approaches him.)
Hi, I'm Lisa.
I mean Rielle.
Will you take me
To a hotel?
Well, I never.
I'm shocked and dismayed.
My wife and children
Would feel betrayed.
Plus, there's a special circumstance:
My wife has cancer. It's advanced.
(JOHN EDWARDS's phone rings.)
What? That's great.
The hand of fate
Has relaxed its stranglehold.
God's mercy should be extolled.
(JOHN EDWARDS hangs up his phone.)
Oh, wait, now she's in remission.
I guess that means I have permission.
Tags: Elizabeth Edwards, John Edwards, Rielle Hunter, Sex