President Obama has proposed legislation to reform the financial sector, on account of the econopocalypse caused by the financial sector. You know what that means: any time President Obama [verb meaning 'to suggest'] [noun meaning 'policy'], Republicans rush to their battle stations to dump boiling [word that means 'opposite of yes'] all over the country.
In the fight against financial reform, the GOP has another powerful weapon — this 17-page playbook crafted by creepy spinmeister Frank Luntz (excerpts and full .pdf download here), complete with a list of "Words to Use" when explaining why financial reform is the worst thing since health care reform.
Grab your pencils, it's time to play Republican Really Mad Libs!
Step 1. Study the Republicans' "Words to Use" against financial reform.
Accountability, Big Bank Bailout Bill, Transparency & Oversight, Bloated Bureaucracy, Lobbyist Loopholes, Fine Print, Enforcement of Current Laws, Unintended Consequences, Bureaucrats, Special Interests, Wasteful Washington Spending, Hard Working Taxpayers, Never Again, Another Washington Agency, Government Failures & Incompetence, Unlimited Regulatory Powers, Devil Is In the Details, Let's Help Small Businesses, Red Tape
Step 2. Write your very own anti-financial reform speech.
My fellow Americans, President Obama wants [noun meaning big government], with lots of [another noun meaning big government] and [another noun meaning big government]. What about [completely unrelated action regarding mom'n'pop shops]? What about [word meaning exactly the thing proposed legislation is trying to enhance]? We don't need more [word describing Michael Steele's tenure at the RNC] in Washington. We don't need more [plural noun describing GOP donors] or [plural noun describing benefit for said donors].
Folks, the [folksy saying implying that there are just too many WORDS in the proposals]. Has anyone even read the [noun implying that there are just too many WORDS in the proposals]? Remember the [noun meaning the most unpopular legislation ever]? Of course you do! [Exhortation invoking both the Holocaust and 9/11]!
That's why I need your financial support more than ever — so I can keep saying [word that means 'opposite of yes'] to [yet another noun that means big government]. Thank you. Please give generously.
Step 3. Yay! Nobody wins!
Tags: Barack Obama, Economy, Financial Reform, Frank Luntz, Republicans