• Lobbyists Seeking to Devour Student Loan Reform for Dessert

    Like a horde of insatiably voracious crown-of-thorns starfish extruding their stomachs onto a patch of coral reef and leaving in their wake only brittle dessication, Washington lobbyists are pulling their digestive organs up off the dry and empty husk of the once lush and vibrant promise of health care reform and moving on to Barack Obama's plan to overhaul student loans*…

    President Obama called the idea a "no-brainer" last fall, predicting it would take billions of dollars from the profits of private lenders and give it directly to students, and many colleges were already moving to get loans directly from the federal government in anticipation of the next move by Congress.

    But an aggressive lobbying campaign by the nation's biggest student lenders has now put one of the White House's signature plans in peril, with lenders using sit-downs with lawmakers, town-hall-style meetings and petition drives to plead their case and stay in business.

    I saw a documentary on the Discovery Channel about this. What Obama needs to do is get a whole shit ton of hungry harlequin shrimp and predatory snails and drop them onto K Street.

    But he needs to do it fast, because those lobbyists will breed.


    * Did you like that? Please have liked it. I spent, like, twenty minutes writing just that one paragraph.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Lobbyists, Money


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