The Onion: U.S. Economy Grinds to Halt as Nation Realizes Money Just a Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion

The Onion reports on a matter of some mild economic concern…

"It's just an illusion," a wide-eyed [Federal Reserve chairman Ben] Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. "Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless."

According to witnesses, Finance Committee members sat in thunderstruck silence for several moments until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) finally shouted out, "Oh my God, he's right. It's all a mirage. All of it — the money, our whole economy — it's all a lie!"

Screams then filled the Senate Chamber as lawmakers and members of the press ran for the exits, leaving in their wake aisles littered with the remains of torn currency.

This is precisely the reason I got rid of all my money a few months ago and started investing in Glenn Beck commemorative chinaware.

Tags: Ben Bernanke, Economy, Federal Reserve, Money, Orrin Hatch, Senate, The Onion