• This Health Care Summit Will Probably Win a Golden Globe or Whatever for Least Purposeless Television Event Next Year

    If you haven't been watching the past two hours of the health care summit, please allow me to give you a little taste of what you're missing…

    President Obama: I am likable and well-spoken, and I have children who have been sick in the past which made me wonder what it would be like to not have health care. Therefore, we need to overhaul everything.

    Republicans: We thank you for inviting us to this wonderful event that we spent the past few weeks denegrating in the media. However, this will cost money and things that cost money are inherently bad. And Americans don't want better health care for some strange reason. Also, here are some other talking points. So, we should throw this away and start over and you should assume that we won't torpedo the next bill as we did this one.

    President Obama: Everything you said is wrong.

    Republicans: No, everything we said is right.

    President Obama: That is also wrong. What do you think, Democrats?

    We have nothing of any substance to contribute to this conversation. However, here is an appeal to people's emotions.

    President Obama: You went over your allotted time.

    Cable News Pundit: We are breaking in so that I can say words. These are some words. And here are some more. Now let's go back to the summit while I sit in my dressing room, combing my hair and drinking bottom-shelf vodka.

    Oh yeah! It's that good.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, Harry Reid, Health Care, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, Republicans


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