• Charlie Crist Determined to Solve the Case of Marco Rubio's $130 Back Wax

    In case you haven't heard this incredibly world-shattering news yet, please brace yourself. (I wouldn't want you dying from a heart attack or anything.) Former Florida representative Marco Rubio one time charged $130 to his Republican Party credit card for what may have been a haircut.

    That is, unless the $130 was actually for something much more insidious than a haircut. Like, perhaps, a back wax?

    Perhaps Rubio's opponent for Florida's GOP senatorial nomination current Gov. Charlie Crist can get to the bottom of this very important mystery during an interview on Fox News

    "And yet just in recent weeks, two weeks ago it has come out in news accounts he had a Republican Party of Florida credit card that he charged $130 haircut, or maybe it was a back wax," he said. "We are not sure what all he got at that place."

    Host Greta Van Sustern interrupted. "Wait a second, stop. A back wax? Wait a second."

    "I don't know what it was, you know," Crist continued.

    Van Sustern responded, "I know, but was there a suggestion it was for a back wax? Or a haircut? Or are you being flip?"

    "I don't know what it was," Crist replied. "Initially we were told it was a haircut. And then he said it wasn't a haircut."

    Yeah, he said it wasn't a haircut, so it totally could have been a back wax. You can't prove that it wasn't, can you? I mean, back waxes are among the things that people could possibly have done in those places in theory. That's normal and pertinent speculation. Hey, it could have been something else. Something grosser. Like a pube perm. Or an anal bleaching. Or a toe hair grooming. Who knows what these Italians do with all that hair of theirs. (Am I right, mildly racist conservative voters of Florida?)

    But, you know what? Crist didn't bring up any of those perfectly reasonable speculations. Because he's too classy for that.

    That Charlie Crist, one hundred percent class.


    Tags: Charlie Crist, Fashion, Florida, Fox, Greta Van Susteren, Marco Rubio, Senate

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