• The Department of Defense Gets a Little Help from the Internet

    Did you know that you can get in touch with the big cheese fat cats in the Pentagon right from your living room, by simply going to the U.S. Department of Defense website and clicking the "Contact Us" button? And did you further know that "among land animals, a bear arguably has the keenest sense of smell" and are fantastic at tracking?

    But, you know what? Don't bother making the incredibly obvious connection between those two pieces of information, because some concerned citizen already beat you to it

    "Overnight, Parachute some bears into areas [bin Laden] might be… Attempt to train bears to take off parachutes after landing, or use parachutes that self-destruct after landing."

    That's all well and good. We probably can use trained airborne bears to hunt down every member of al Qaeda. I'll give you that. But will that really be enough to stave off the "emerging Global War starting in the Middle East"? Probably not. Any other brilliant geniuses have any ideas? Maybe just some projects you've been working on in your back yard?

    "Would there be time to construct a Noah's Ark Biosphere in North America if there is an emerging Global War starting in the Middle East?" asked one concerned citizen. "I don't know… I only know that I have worked on such a project for many years now." The specifications for the recommended ark are outlined in the Bible…

    Ah, you can find everything thing in there. Pretty much just a huge collection of useful ideas and real things, that book is, huh? They should rename it the Fact-ble.

    Anything else, people? C'mon, don't be afraid to look silly and time-wasteful…

    One writer let the Defense Department know of a dream something was about to happen. Likely on a Friday. "I have no idea what this might be, do you?" the person asked.

    I do, in fact. Meet me in the lobby of the skyscraper made out of of Jolly Ranchers that you dreamed about (the taller of the two) just after the Centaur's ball — I'll be wearing an ennui-colored pork pie hat with a lion feather in the band — and I'll explain everything.

    (via Andrew Sullivan)


    Tags: al Qaeda, Internet, Military, Osama bin Laden, Terrorism, The Bible

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