• Michael Steele Is Winning Back America, One Lesbian Stripper at a Time

    Are you a die hard conservative who donates to the Republican Party until it hurts, in an effort to gain the country back from the perverted, amoral, elitist liberals? (If you're reading this here, then probably not.) If so, you will happy to know that you're contributions are being well spent. Very well spent indeed

    According to federal disclosure records, the RNC spent $17,514 on private aircraft in the month of February alone (as well as $12,691 on limousines during the same period)… The RNC explains that Steele charters jets only when commercial service is unavailable, or when his tight schedule requires it.

    Hey, look. This guy is the head of a huge political party in a very big country. He has to be able to travel anywhere, at any time. And since he's not traveling by the Chinatown bus, I really can't get my head around how much that would cost. Maybe it's $30K a month. Who knows? (According to the article, "the are no readily identifiable private plane expenses" for DNC Chair Tim Kaine.)

    Once on the ground, FEC filings suggest, Steele travels in style. A February RNC trip to California, for example, included a $9,099 stop at the Beverly Hills Hotel, $6,596 dropped at the nearby Four Seasons…

    Okay, so that's $16K for accommodations and food. What do people expect him to do, crash on his friend from college's couch and scarf down burritos at the Chipotle around the corner? Fine. What else have you got?

    …and $1,620.71 spent [update: the amount is actually $1,946.25] at Voyeur West Hollywood, a bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.

    Hmmmm… $2K for topless lesbian bondage sex. That's a little bit harder to justify. I mean, when I go out to unwind with a little topless lesbian bondage sex, I rarely spend more than $1,500. Even on a Saturday night. But, then again, I usually bring my own emerald-encrusted, double-ended dildos, so maybe that's the difference. Maybe. (To be fair, there are no readily identifiable topless lesbian bondage sex expenses for DNC Chair Tim Kaine.)

    All I know is that you cannot run a modern political party (especially one that prides itself on "family values" and its opposition to gay rights) without topless lesbian bondage sex. (What is this, Soviet Russia, where topless lesbian bondage sex discreetly masturbates under the table to you?) So, the whole issue is moot. So, let's just sign the expense account, slip another hundred-dollar bill into the lesbian's g-string with our teeth, and move on.

    Tags: California, LGBT, Michael Steele, Money, Republicans, Sex


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.