It's hard to believe that the RNC's topless lesbian bondage sex scandal isn't even a week old. It feels so long ago, doesn't it. Do you remember all the way back on Monday when we first heard that the GOP was all about S&M? We were so young, weren't we?
Well, now, here it is Thursday, and — with topless lesbian bondage sex behind us — we've settled in to some more thoughtful and pensive live hot horny girls…
[I]t seems the GOP accidentally sent out a mailer asking for money with a phone number that directed loyal Republicans to… a phone sex hotline.
The mailer printed the RNC's phone number — 202-863-8500 — as an 800 number instead of a 202 one. "Get together with exciting people everywhere," a message at the 800-863-8500 line answers. It redirects callers to another number, which tells "sexy guys" to "get ready for a new way to go live, one on one, with hot horny girls waiting right now to talk to you." (The girls are "students, housewives and working girls," and before calling, you should "lie back, baby, relax," but you also need to have your credit card ready, because calling the actual sex line — which requires yet a third number — will cost you $2.99 a minute.)
Get it together, GOP! Get it together! Seriously, what is going on over there. You're turning into the Grandest Little Ol' Whorehouse Party in Texas up in here. Is this David Vitter's influence? If so, tell that guy to take a seat.
Look, I understand that you're probably under pressure to recoup some money from that whole topless lesbian bondage sex thing, because, God knows, topless lesbian bondage sex is not cheap. But this is not the way to do it, GOP. This is what make believe psychologists on television call a vicious cycle. Don't get caught up in it, GOP. You're better than this. You have so much potential. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. Nobody wants to see you turning tricks for donations or turning up on a Dr. Drew show with Gary Busey and Kenickie in ten years. Nobody.
Listen to us. We care.
Tags: Republicans, RNC, Sex