Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens Forces Lazy Indecision Blogger to Come Up with Second Angle on Retirement in One Day
Justice John Paul Stevens, the longest-serving member of the current Supreme Court and the leader of its liberal wing, announced his retirement today, giving President Obama his second chance to make a mark on the nation's highest court.
Yes, what an amazing opportunity Justice Stevens has given to the President. Just think about it! The chance to have every available moment of the next several months spent in an face-scratching, eyeball-poking Ultimate Fighting battle with congressional Republicans as the nation heads into a particularly harrowing midterm election.
Can't you just heat the giddiness in his voice even through this statement?
Obama said Stevens was a "brilliant" jurist and he hailed his appointment by former President Gerald Ford in the months after the Watergate scandal. The president said Stevens had "worn the judicial robe with honor and humility."
Translation: Fuck! Shit fuck goddamn shit fuck! Shit! (You really gotta pay close attention to the subtext.)
Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, John Paul Stevens, Republicans, Senate, Supreme Court