• Lindsey Graham and the Not-Going-Away-Anytime-Soon Big "Gay" Question

    Rumors of Lindsey Graham's gayness may or may not have been greatly exaggerated. Either way, it doesn't matter none to William Gheen — with whom with whose acquaintance we met yesterday — and his xenophobia PAC.

    They've decided to just go full-force gay against the South Carolina senator

    The national border security organization known as Americans for Legal Immigration PAC (ALIPAC) is officially calling for US Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) to make his homosexual lifestyle public knowledge in the interest of political integrity and national security…

    Yes, it is of the utmost importance to "national security" that Americans discover the truth about the kind of genitals Graham is predisposed to spend his evenings enjoying. Luckily we have the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC around to check up on stuff like that. Well, that's what they're here for, right?

    "US Senator Lindsey Graham is gay and while many people in South Carolina and Washington DC know that, the general public and Graham's constituents do not," said William Gheen President of ALIPAC.

    "I personally do not care about Graham's private life [Ed note: Obvs.], but in this situation his desire to keep this a secret may explain why he is doing a lot of political dirty work for others who have the power to reveal his secrets. Senator Graham needs to come out of the closet inside that log cabin so the public can rest assured he is not being manipulated with his secret."

    Oh, he's being blackmailed! Now, I see! The Democrats are blackmailing him into drafting a new comprehensive immigration reform bill with Sen. Chuck Schumer. Why, that makes all the sense in the world!

    But, you know, Lindsey Graham really has no one but himself to blame for all this. I mean, he knew a long time ago the choice that he would have to make: Keep America safe from the Mexicans or Be a gay (allegedly). And he chose to be a gay (allegedly), so now he's forced let all the Mexicans into America. It's simple economics.

    And, besides, the dude was really flaunting his alleged gayness. Couldn't he have just gotten himself into a sham marriage like Larry Craig? Or, at the very least, refrained from appearing in drag at the 2010 Miss America Pageant Preliminary Competition? (Though, you have to admit, the guy cleans up real well.)

    Tags: Chuck Schumer, Immigration, LGBT, Lindsey Graham, Mexico, Republicans, Senate


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