So we had an election yesterday. The mother of all Parliaments asked its people to grace it with our votes. And we complied, in record numbers, some crowding stations so much so that they were left unable to vote. The count went on well into the early hours and we awoke this morning keen to discover at which lucky individual fate had pointed its fickle finger, intoning, "You! Ugly White Man! Rule the Country."
But its finger hadn't pointed at anyone, just played its part in a dismissive wave. We have a hung parliament. And not in a "Why, Mr Parliament, aren't you impressively hung!" kind of way. Instead, Britain is feeling rather flaccid. No one is in control. And no one is sure who will be. Our demonstration to the world of open, reliable, trustworthy democracy has resulted in shady backroom deals between politicians and their familiars — literally anything could happen. They could emerge saying that we will now be a revolutionary monarchy with the clone of Winston Churchill catapulted (literally) onto the throne wearing a chicken hat. We just don't know.
Gordon Brown, as incumbent Prime Minister, is meant to get first crack at forming a government by reaching out to other parties. But any deal with the Liberal Democrats would likely involve a introducing a fairer system of electoral representation, giving their party a better shake of the stick — and ensuring that this kind of thing happens every election. And even with them onside he wouldn't quite have enough seats to form a government.
David Cameron — leader of the now-largest party, the Conservatives — is making as many deals with parties as he can but looks determined to govern as a minority government, unable to pass much legislation or do much else besides trying to cut costs, hoping to keep his party together and praying that not too many of them die in office.
While Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats got many less seats and votes than expected, he seems likely casting the deciding vote on every piece of legislation that comes through the door. Yes, the future of the country is in the hands of the man that the least people voted for.
Can't we have a good old fashioned dictatorship again? It was so much easier to work out what was going on….
Of course, my Member of Parliament is now no longer an anti-airport Liberal Democrat but a millionaire, overseas domicled, Jewish pig farming Conservative who doesn't like science. So that should be fun.
You know, It's weird. We currently have no government. And yet nothing has collapsed. The libertarians were right!!!
Rich Johnston lives in London, works in advertising, writes about comics and draws cartoons for the UK's leading political blog, Guido Fawkes. He'll vote for the first party that promises to legalise the smoking of squirrels for medicinal purposes.
Tags: Conservative Party (UK), David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Indecision Internationale, Labour Party (UK), Liberal Democrat Party (UK), Nick Clegg, United Kingdom