• Introducing Elena Kagan, the Jewish Wise Latina

    This morning, Barack Obama announced his choice of Supreme Court nominee to replace that old guy, whatever his name is — George Paul Ringo or something — and she appears, at first blush, to be a woman

    President Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court on Monday, picking her to fill the seat being vacated by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens…

    Kagan, 50, received her law degree from Harvard University, where she later served as dean of the law school. She previously served in the Clinton administration as associate White House counsel… As solicitor general, she is the administration's top lawyer before the Supreme Court and has argued several high-profile cases before the justices since taking the job in spring 2009.

    Wow! She seems really, really, really… woman-ish!

    A woman?! But, but, but… That would mean… Three out of nine Supreme Court Justices on the bench would be women! Why, that's almost one-third! That's never happened before. And I'm pretty sure it's statistically unrepresentative of Supreme Court Justices in everyday life.

    Will Republicans stand for such a travesty?

    "You have to admit, Elena Kagan is a brilliant woman," Sen. Orrin Hatch, a Republican on the Judiciary Committee, said during a radio interview a year ago when Kagan was being vetted for a high court seat. "She is a brilliant lawyer. If [Obama] picks her, it is a real dilemma for people"…

    Yep. Not just a brilliant woman, but also a brilliant lawyer. She can do both of those things very well. Often at at the same time. So, yeah, "the people" will have a real "dilemma" on their hands alright? Oh, what a pickle they'll find themselves in. Can you even imagine what a spot that would put "the people" in if such a brilliant lawyer were nominated for the bench. I feel so, so bad for "the people."

    Oh, did we forget to mention? Kagan is also a brilliant Jew…

    Her confirmation also would mean that the Supreme Court would have no Protestant justices for the first time in its history. Kagan, who is Jewish, would join six Catholic and two Jewish justices.

    Not to mention, possibly, a brilliantly closeted lesbian

    [I]t's suprsingly difficult to find information abotu Kagan's personal life. According to one (very, very sketchy) Internet message board , Kagan is "with a female former partner of another leading legal academic."

    Poor "the people." They're going to have a such a difficult time spending the next several months demonizing this brilliant woman/brilliant lawyer/brilliant Jew/brilliant possible lesbian. My heart just goes out for them.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Elena Kagan, Jewish, John Paul Stevens, LGBT, Men and Women, Orrin Hatch, Senate, Supreme Court

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.