• Elena Kagan to Become Only 112th Heterosexual to Serve on Supreme Court

    The big story for the day is Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan's sexuality. Or lack thereof. According to a source close to Kagan, the potential justice is not a lesbian. Or, at least, a closeted lesbian. Either way, Justice Sonia Sotomayor's biggest concern will remain avoiding Clarence Thomas in the SCOTUS break room…

    "I've known her for most of her adult life and I know she's straight," said Sarah Walzer, Kagan's roommate in law school and a close friend since then. "She dated men when we were in law school, we talked about men — who in our class was cute, who she would like to date, all of those things. She definitely dated when she was in D.C. after law school, when she was in Chicago — and she just didn't find the right person."

    Oh, and there was that one guy from Canada who she met at Law Camp. And that other guy from a couple towns over. The one who looks like Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran. You never met him because his parents don't believe in cars.

    The rumor about Kagan has circulated for months on gay blogs and became a matter of controversy when it was cited as fact by a conservative blogger on the website of CBS News, drawing a sharp White House rebuttal. It has, since, been a source of particular fascination in some socially conservative circles and particularly among gay and lesbian political observers…

    "It's taking away from substantive discussion of the issues from a really substantive person who deserves to be given the opportunity to address the substantive issues," [Walzer] said.

    Really, what a silly dalliance of a question! Who could possibly ever be so ridiculous as to assume that a person's sexual self-identity — and its potential for alienating people from entire tracts of society — could ever effect the way a person views the ways that laws can shape the world we live in.

    Finally! We can now get back to the "substantive discussion" of how important the borough of New York City that a justice grew up in is in shaping their worldview…

    "They would all say the identities forged in these various boroughs propelled them forward and contributed to how they see themselves and how others see them," said Ms. Biskupic, the Scalia biographer. "I was interviewing Justice Alito about jumping in at oral argument when you’re a new justice and how do you get a word in edgewise. We were talking about the temperament of a Scalia and a Ginsburg, and he said, as somebody from Trenton, he knows how to mix it up with them."

    I, personally, cannot see how a person can formulate a coherent opinion on the constitutionality of corporate political spending if they cannot grasp the simple concept that the N express train effectively turns into the W local train after 9 pm. This is worldview shaping stuff here.

    Tags: Clarence Thomas, Elena Kagan, LGBT, New York, New York City, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court


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