• Sen. Ben Nelson Has Never Used an ATM, But Don't Worry, He Knows All About the Holograms

    Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb) — whom you might remember as the guy who kept voting with Republicans to block finance reform — just doesn't see the point in limiting ATM fees to just 50 cents per transaction.

    To begin with, doesn't anybody actually even understand what these ATM things are, much less know how to use them?

    The Nebraska Democrat pleaded ignorance when asked this week whether Congress should cap ATM fees. Nelson said that while he's no fan of unnecessary fees, he's unfamiliar with the charges.

    "I've never used an ATM, so I don't know what the fees are," Nelson said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. "It's true, I don't know how to use one. But I could learn how to do it just like I've… I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms."

    Oh, so he does know about the holograms! Whew! I was afraid that maybe he was completely out of touch with how the modern world works.

    Okay, Senator Nelson, this whole ATM thing is very simple. It works like this: You how when you wave your ATM card and the hologram man appears in front of you and says that he will grant you three futuristic wishes using technology? Right, well, the fees go toward buying food for the nanobots that fuel his science wand. But they're nanobots — they're very small — so they don't need to eat a lot. Fifty cents is more than enough money to buy all the gigabytes that the nanobots can eat.

    Anything above 50 cents is probably being used by the banks to build robot monkeys for their army. And do we really need to be contributing to that army? In this economy?

    You see, Sen. Nelson. It's all pretty straightforward when it's explained right.

    (via The War Room)


    Tags: Banks, Ben Nelson, Money, Science & Technology, Senate

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