• Elton John Was Rush Limbaugh's Wedding Singer Apparently

    Hey, so the good news is that Rush Limbaugh has — for the fourth time — found everlasting happiness in the sanctity of marriage with a human female. And the even better news is that he has made so much money in his job selling hatred to angry people, that he was able to purchase outspoken marriage equality advocate Elton John's soul for an evening. Well, if that isn't the sweetest…

    [A]ccording to a News Corporation (which owns Fox News) wire report, the Rocket Man, 63, serenaded the 400 guests into the wee hours Saturday night to celebrate the marriage of Limbaugh, 59, to Kathryn Rogers, 33, in the Ponce de Leon ballroom of Florida's fabled Breakers hotel in Palm Beach. Sir Elton's fee: $1 million, the report notes.

    Well, at least Elton John got a million dollars out it. That'll come in handy if anything ever happens to the 200 thousand other millions of dollars he already has. You know, every little bit counts.

    And also, I suppose he had the pleasure of perform before an exceedingly distinguished collection of wedding guests…

    Amid dozens of giant bouquets of white roses (and very tight security), reports the Palm Beach Post, guests at the wedding included former Bush adviser Karl Rove; actor-politician Fred Thompson; former Kansas City Royals slugger George Brett; Fox News commentator Sean Hannity; former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani; New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft; former Clinton adviser James Carville and his wife, GOP analyst Mary Matalin; and golfer Tom Watson. A wedding guest also tells PEOPLE that among the others was Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

    Yikes! My god! That is literally like one of those Abbott & Costello movies in which they pack every movie monsters they can think of. We have no definitive details about what happened at this party, but I'm one hundred percent certain that at some point Sean Hannity and James Carville must have had some kind of stiff-armed wrestling match on top of a mountain during a thunderstorm. And the Creature from the Black Lagoon probably used that opportunity to hit on Mary Matalin. Or maybe it was Rudy Giuliani. Whatever. Same thing pretty much.

    Sunday morning, a source tells PEOPLE, the newlyweds hopped Limbaugh's private Gulfstream jet for a honeymoon in Mexico, Africa and a couple other spots.

    Aaaaahhhhh!!! Now I have Rush Limbaugh's honeymoon in my brain! Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!

    The wire service also quotes the new bride as saying of the couple's 26-year age gap: "I'm sometimes not able to relate to the average person my age."

    Well, then good for her. Sounds like she found just the right match. Because "average" and "person" are definitely not words generally associated with Limbaugh.


    Tags: Elton John, James Carville, Marriage Equality, Mary Matalin, Music, Rudy Giuliani, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity

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