Okay, so apparently there were a bunch of primary elections yesterday or something. But the only one that anybody really cared about was going on in California, where a very important conservative woman was running the race of her life for a highly prestigious seat of power…
Meg Whitman, the billionaire former eBay CEO, saw her more than $81 million investment in the gubernatorial primary pay off. She soundly defeated–
Yeah, blah blah blah blah blah. Meg Whitman won the nomination for governor or something. Whatever. C'mon, let's get to the important stuff…
Another female titan of the tech industry, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, won the GOP nomination for Senate, pitting her against three-term–
Gah! Does anybody care about Carly Fallerina or whoever? No! Nobody cares! What about Orly Taitz and the race for Secretary of State?!
[T]he anti-incumbent mood wasn't strong enough to help Orly Taitz, the woman best known for questioning whether President Obama is a natural born citizen, in herbid for the GOP nomination for secretary of state. She was defeated by former NFL player Damon Dunn, who now goes on to challenge Democratic Secretary of State Debra Bowen.
Nooooooooooooooooo!!! Ooooooooorrrrrrrrrrlllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Why! How could this travesty have happened?! How could the rational Republican people of California not have chosen you to be their nominee for Secretary of State? What? Did they not want to win in November? Did they not want a Secretary of State who would tackle the important issues facing the state, like bringing President Obama to justice for having been secretly born in an African village? What is wrong with this country?!
I'll tell you what it probably was. The Kenyan Secret Police. They're all over this country. You don't realize it, because they're quite devious. They have very long arms, figuratively speaking. And possibly literally speaking too. Barry Soetoro (aka Barack Obama, aka Professor Slaughter, aka Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young) controls them with a hidden transmitter from the Oval Office. You think he was gonna let someone like Orly Taitz make it to higher office? Ha! That's a laugh!
I'll tell you something else. Everybody in California who did not vote for Orly Taitz is gonna have one hell of a law suit on their hands.
Tags: Barack Obama, Barry Soetoro, Birthers, California, Carly Fiorina, Meg Whitman, Republicans, Senate, Tea Party