• So, Obviously, This Thing with Gen. McChrystal Is the Funniest Thing Ever So Far Today

    It's about time the American people have seen something worthwhile come out of our never-ending, , ever-escalating, money-pit of a war in Afghanistan. Have you seen this Rolling Stone profile on Afghanistan commander and walking cartoon character Gen. Stanley McChrystal? The full article has just appeared online, and I haven't gotten all the way through it yet, but, so far, it's the best thing I've read from them in years.

    For example…

    Dressed in off-the-rack civilian casual — blue tie, button-down shirt, dress slacks — McChrystal is way out of his comfort zone. Paris, as one of his advisers says, is the "most anti-McChrystal city you can imagine." The general hates fancy restaurants, rejecting any place with candles on the tables as too "Gucci." He prefers Bud Light Lime (his favorite beer) to Bordeaux, Talladega Nights (his favorite movie) to Jean-Luc Godard…

    McChrystal takes a final look around the suite. At 55, he is gaunt and lean, not unlike an older version of Christian Bale in Rescue Dawn. His slate-blue eyes have the unsettling ability to drill down when they lock on you. If you've fucked up or disappointed him, they can destroy your soul without the need for him to raise his voice.

    "I'd rather have my ass kicked by a roomful of people than go out to this dinner," McChrystal says. He pauses a beat. "Unfortunately," he adds, "no one in this room could do it." With that, he's out the door.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I love it! The best! Really, absolutely the best! I wanna read a 700-page version of this article while sitting on a beach after slathering myself with SPF 200 sunscreen and congratulate myself for how literary I am over dinner at TGI Fridays! Who's gonna play Gen. McChrystal in the film version of this article? Bruce Willis (if the funding comes through) or Steven Seagal (most likely)?

    Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Military, Stanley McChrystal


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.