• Rand Paul's Amazing Spectacular Electrified Subterranean Immigrant-Obstructing Balustrade

    So, have you heard about Rand Paul's brilliant new idea for keeping illegal Mexican insurgents out of the United States? I gotta say, it's pretty brilliant. I have no idea how nobody has thought of this before…

    Republican Senatorial candidate Rand Paul wants to build a fence along the U.S.-Mexico border. It's a rather ho-hum proposition in the larger context of conservative ideas — except that Paul wants that fence to be electric and he wants it built underground.

    An underground electric fence! Fucking genius! Of course, not everyone is totally on board the Kentucky senatorial candidate's boat to the future of fool proof homeland security…

    "I have not heard that," [Sen. John Cornyn] said. "Underground? What would happen? How would that work?"

    That's actually a good question and one that Paul's campaign won't answer. His website says only the following: "My plans include an underground electric fence, with helicopter stations to respond quickly to breaches of the border." The details of how it would be built, what it would take to make it work and how much it would cost are left unanswered.

    Really, people. This isn't rocket science. I mean, maybe I'm just visionary like Rand Paul, but I think it's pretty obvious the way one of the underground electric fences would work. Observe…

    Now, that's not so hard to understand, is it?

    Update: As some indignant people noted in the comments, Rand Paul's website says "electronic fence" and not "electric fence," which apparently makes all the difference. First of all, Hahahahahahahahaha! Second of all, a thirty-second investment of time on Google shows that this was clearly a recent change on Paul's website. Third of all, relax, libertarians. You're still gonna get your creepy, anti-civil rights, make-believe doctor senator come November. He's running in Kentucky; he has about as much chance of losing to a liberal as I have of winning as a write-in candidate.

    Tags: Immigration, John Cornyn, Mexico, Rand Paul, Senate


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