• Senate to Elena Kagan: Put Us Out of Our Misery!

    So, the Senate should be voting on whether or not (or almost certainly yes) Elena Kagan will be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice. So far, we know that Sen. Orrin Hatch is definitely not on Team Kagan. And we know that Sen. Arlen Specter is a chicken apparently. And we can make a lot of pretty good guesses about a lot of the other votes.

    But, you may wonder why a senator will be motivating the inevitable — if ineffectual — votes against Kagan. This might shed a tiny bit of light

    Over and over, Ms. Kagan reminded the senators questioning her of their own duty to pass cogent, sensible — and constitutional — laws. The Supreme Court, she said, was not created to strike down foolish measures…

    On Tuesday, for instance, Senator Tom Coburn, Republican of Oklahoma, asked what should happen if Congress enacted a law requiring Americans “to eat three vegetables and three fruits every day.”

    "It sounds like a dumb law," Ms. Kagan said. But she would not commit to striking it down. "I think that courts would be wrong to strike down laws that they think are senseless, just because they’re senseless," she said.

    Okay, but what if it was, like, really senseless? What if we enacted a law requiring Americans to place the toilet paper roll into the dispenser so that the paper falls over the roll instead of hanging behind it? Well, what if we enacted a law making it illegal to acknowledge that there is a biologically taxonomic difference between alligators and crocodiles? How about a law requiring Americans wear spaghetti with clam sauce on their heads between the hours of 4 and 7 pm on alternating Thursdays? Because — mark my words! — we will do that!

    Ms. Kagan repeatedly said she would show "great deference to Congress." Perhaps surprisingly, that was not what many senators seemed to want to hear. They appeared to want the Supreme Court to save them from themselves.

    Please! You don't understand what we're capable of! As a body, we are effectively a seven-ton, mentally-handicapped sociopathic 9-year-old with intermittent rage disorder! We will kill us all!!!!

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Elena Kagan, Orrin Hatch, Senate, Supreme Court, Tom Coburn


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