• Levi Johnston Has Been Wholly Digested by the Palin Family

    The pod Palin people have got to Levi! Game over, man! Game over!

    "Last year, after Bristol and I broke up, I was unhappy and a little angry. Unfortunately, against my better judgment, I publicly said things about the Palins that were not completely true," he tells People exclusively.

    "I have already privately apologized to Todd and Sarah. Since my statements were public, I owe it to the Palins to publicly apologize."

    Hmmmmm… Maybe I'm being unfair to Johnston. I suppose it's possible that I'm too quickly jumping to the conclusion that there's some degree of coercion just barely visible just beneath the surface of that not-at-all-written-for-him-by-a-PR-firm statement to People Magazine. Maybe Levi is being completely sincere in this all-of-a-sudden 180-degree public about-face we've seen in the past couple weeks.

    Oh, what's this? Why, it appears to be an excerpt from a post by Levi's sister Mercede Johnston, who has recently promised to "answer all questions related to the Palin family" in blog-form. I think that I will read it…

    The message was from my mother saying that Levi, who has not spoken to us since he rekindled his relationship with Bristol (although we had attempted repeatedly to call or text him), left a message saying that if I did not take my blog down by Wednesday that I would never get to see him, or Tripp, again.

    I could not believe it! I thought to myself if he was really willing to make such a threat that he would at least have the decency to call me and talk about it first. I mentioned on my blog repeatedly that my intention was not to hurt or attack the Palins, but to speak out and tell the public my side of the story. As well as how badly my life, and the lives of our family members, had been impacted by our association with the Palins.

    It had my mind spinning. How could my brother threaten me like this?

    He's not your Levi Johnston anymore! Quickly, sever his head and drive a moose steak through his heart! Do it now, you fool!

    (via Andrew Sullivan)

    Tags: Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Tripp Johnston-Palin


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.