• The Defense of Marriage Act Must Be Defended Against People Who Want to Defend Their Rights to Marry

    Ever since we elected a disturbingly handsome black Ken doll/imam to lead us, every other country around the world thinks that the United States of America is totally frigging gay. And they are correct! This is why Judge Joseph L. Tauro of U.S. District Court in Boston ruled Thursday that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional.

    And to really shove the message up our collective you-know-what (anus), Tauro "sided with the plaintiffs in two separate cases brought by the state attorney general and a gay rights group." TWO SEPARATE CASES. It's as if he were saying, "No homo, but you fags deserve some rights. Yeah, and you freaking dykes, too."

    And, though these decisions will most likely please both of The Indigo Girls (and probably Tegan and Sara as well), they probably won't survive the appeals process any better than your average homosexual will survive The Rapture.

    But more importantly, what does Kris Mineau — president of the anti-geigh Massachusetts Family Council — have to say about all this? Could there perhaps be a press release documenting this ambiguously-named anti-fagtivist's Important Angry Opinion on Judge Tauro's decision?

    "DOMA has withstood prior challenges, and I am confident that an appeals court, and ultimately the Supreme Court, will uphold the government's right to define marriage, strengthening and protecting children and families."

    Yes, it is very important for our nation's children that homosexual adults not be permitted to take time off from work in order to care for a sick or dying spouse. It is also our Jehovah-given right to make certain these Sapphists and Oscar Wildeans do not share in the health-insurance plans of their life partners-in-crime. Every time a committed monogamous lesbian with breast cancer uses her wife's health insurance to pay for her chemo treatments, Jesus freaks out and does poppers with Saint Peter. Then they gaze into each other's eyes and just let nature take its course.

    Tags: DOMA, LGBT, Marriage Equality


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