The Onion: Repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way for Gay Sex Right on Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize

The Onion reports on a growing concern in the nocturnal imaginings of Congress…

"We're sending our soldiers out there with a mission, and that mission is to protect this country," said Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of many conservative politicians who staunchly oppose the change. "If this is repealed, what's to stop all-night sex romps from breaking out while U.S. servicemen are hiding in a bunker, or crawling around an irrigation ditch bathed only by the light of the moon, or, say, the dozens of other situations I've already thought through in elaborate detail?"

"We can't allow this to happen," Gohmert added as beads of sweat collected on his brow. "It's wrong. Sweaty male sex — no matter how erotic and uninhibited — is so wrong and so, so naughty."…

Others have argued that allowing gay soldiers to push their lifestyle on others, testing the limits of pleasure a man can take before he erupts in uncontrollable ecstasy, would seriously damage morale.

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Tags: DADT, House of Representatives, LGBT, Louie Gohmert, Military, The Onion