Everything You Need to Know About This Whole Shirley Sherrod Debacle, as Told by Someone Who Kind of Understands It Mostly

Here's a quick recap of this Shirley Sherrod story because you get all of your news here on this website for some reason (you should really stop doing that, by the way)…

* The NAACP calls the Tea Party movement out for its obvious, very obvious, super obvious racist strains, and asks it to hold itself accountable.

* Teabaggers respond by being racist (because, really, what else can they do, not be racist?).

* Conservatives get mad at the injustice of it all.

* Seeking retribution, Andrew Breitbart finds footage of Shirley Sherrod — a black woman who is black — making a speech at an NAACP event about how she — many years earlier while working for the USDA in Georgia — overcame some racist prejudices to help a white couple save their farm from bankruptcy, and in doing so learned some very valuable lessons about race, people and life.

* Andrew Breitbart edits it to make her look like a racist black racist.

* Everybody freaks the fuck out and calls for this horrible black racist monster woman's head to be chopped off and then fired.

* The Obama administration — being the brave and noble warriors for justice that they are — demands Shirley Sherrod's resignation.

* The portrait in Andrew Breitbart's attic grows a bit more gnarled and horrific.

* Even Glenn Beck takes a break from being the worst to be momentarily reasonable about this.

* The farmers — whose farm Shirley Sherrod helped save years earlier — are all like, WTF?

* Andrew Breitbart goes on CNN to blow everybody's mind: How do we know these farmers are actual real farmers and not just actors hired by Shirley Sherrod to save her shitty government job? Whoa! We're through the looking glass, people! There is no Spoon(er).

* The White House grows a pair of balls. Kind of.

And that's pretty much it so far. If you haven't drank all the Drano by this point, you're probably in the clear. Go about your day and try not to say anything that can be edited by Andrew Breitbart to sound like you're a racist black woman.

Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, CNN, John King, NAACP, Obama Administration, Racism, Shirley Sherrod, Tom Vilsack, White House