• General James Mattis Is Dreamier Than Zac Efron

    It's been a few days since we peered into the world of America's New Boyfriend, General James Mattis. In other words, it's been far too long! What awesome, straight-shootin' thing did he say at his confirmation hearing to be the head of Central Command? Look like he sounded off on the WikiLeaks scandal!

    He called the leak "grossly irresponsible" and said the documents revealed nothing new. "It didn't tell us anything, that I've seen so far, that we weren't  already aware of," Mattis said.

    "One of the newspaper headlines was that war is a tense and dangerous thing," he said. "Well, if that is news, I don't know who it is news to that's on this planet."

    YESSS! Mattis 1, Mainstream Media -92,000!

    Seriously, the guy has a point. In terms of quantity, the WikiLeaks thing is the biggest leak of classified data in the history of ever. That in and of itself is a huge deal. But beyond the ginormous, epic size of the leak, does it really tell us anything we didn't already know? The war sucks, Afghanistan is hopelessly corrupt and craptastic, and the Taliban are doing just fine, thank you for asking. These sorts of major security breaches are always interesting to major political dorks/news nerds (ahem, none of THEM around these parts!) but in the end, did the American people learn anything really important? Meh.

    Let's get back to comely James Mattis!

    In response to questioning from Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., Mattis said he expects fighting and casualties to increase.

    "I believe it will be a difficult summer and into the fall," Mattis said. "We will have some bad days ahead, but so long as we hold fast and adapt faster than the enemy, the enemy's situation will continue to worsen."

    This is probably the closest we will ever get to hearing a modern-day general say, "Yeah, it's gonna suck and tons of people are gonna die. But I still think we can make it shittier for the other side in the end." And BTW, don't you love the way he says "the enemy?" This is a Mattis Thing, apparently. It is old-fashioned and adorable, and what was this post about anyway? Oh, evs, confirmation hearings, he's pretty much a shoo-in. A HANDSOME, SINGLE shoo-in! SWOON.

    Tags: Afghanistan, James Mattis, Lindsey Graham, Military, Senate, Taliban, WikiLeaks


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