• Everyone Smarter Than America, Apparently

    Still reeling from the agony of being forced to spend his birthday with no-names like Oprah while his wife aided the separatist movement ETA in España, President Barack Obama mustered up the strength to take a trip to Austin, TX today.

    His message? The U.S needs more college graduates, dammit! According to The Paper of Record, we've fallen waaaaay behind

    The United States gave up its spot as the world leader about 10 years ago, as students in nations like South Korea, Canada and Russia began to surpass their American counterparts. Now the United States ranks 12th among 36 developed nations in college graduation rates, a trend Mr. Obama said he intended to reverse.

    Okay, duh, South Korea is way smarter than us, but CANADA?! Frickin' CANADA? All you have to do to get a diploma from those jerks is memorize the season finale of DeGrassi Jr. High from the 1992-1993 season!

    This is utter bullshit. Everyone grab a teenager and teach it basic arithmetic, now.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, Education, Russia, South Korea, Texas


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