[Handel] Found Dead [in Election]; Latest Victim in Grizzly [Palin Endorsement] Attacks

Inspired by a true story.

The [electorally lifeless] body of another [candidate] victim has been found in the aftermath of a [mama] grizzly bear's month long [endorsement] rampage.

Wildlife officials today identified the woman, [whose gubernatorial dreams were] pronounced dead after spending the night in critical condition, as [Karen Handel of Georgia].

This is not the first attack by this particular [mama] grizzly bear in the [political] campground. The bear has assaulted [candidates] on more than five separate occasions; it is not yet clear whether any of the victims will survive.

Wildlife officials have made several attempts to capture the mama grizzly. The bear [Sarah Palin], estimated to weigh 130 lbs to 140 lbs, was lured into a trap fashioned from culvert pipe set, [six packs, and American flags] near the dead victim's tent Tuesday evening. The bear tore down the tent again and was able to escape the trap, said Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks spokesman Ron Adams.

"This is the fifth victim within a month, all [endorsed] by the same bear," Adams said. "We are stepping up our efforts to capture this grizzly."

Just a week before the attack on [Handel], the grizzly bear attacked [with endorsements] and killed [the election of] two victims, [CeCe Heil of Tennessee] and [Todd Tiahrt].

Weeks earlier, [on July 19th,] Montana wildlife officials found a barely conscious body, later identified as [Kelly Ayotte, 42, of Nashua, New Hampshire]. The mama grizzly pulled [Ayotte] out [of her comfortable lead in the polls] and dragged her backwards to where [Ayotte]'s body was later found [several percentage points lower] Adams said.

The only known surviving victim, [Joe Miller of Fairbanks, Alaska], has been hospitalized with similar injuries in Cody, Wyoming.

Fish, Wildlife and Parks Warden Captain Sam Stevens described the [endorsement] rampage – in which the four victims were mauled [during their campaigns] – as a highly unusual predatory attack.

Officials have said the mama grizzly will be killed after DNA evidence confirms it was the same that attacked the victims.

"Everything points to it being the offending bear, but we are not going to do anything until we have DNA samples," Adams said.

Appearing on network morning shows from a hospital in Wyoming [where another victim was recently found], [Miller] said he woke up just before the bear came at him [with campaign funding and an endorsement].

"I screamed, she bit harder, I screamed harder, she continued to bite," he said, adding that he could hear his [voting bloc] breaking. "I told myself, play dead," he said. "I went totally limp. As soon as I went limp, I could feel her jaws get loose and then she let me go."

[Miller] said the grizzly [Palin] was silent.

"This, to me, was just an absolutely freaky thing," he said. "I have to believe that the bear was not normal. It was very quiet, it never made any noise. I felt like she was hunting me, like [she wanted me to be another carcass in her pile of endorsements]."

These bear attacks have been the most brazen in the Yellowstone area since [2008], wildlife officials said.

In [2008] at the same campground, a grizzly bear bit and injured a man [attempting to run for President of the United States]. Unfortunately, no grizzly bear was ever captured and punished for the attack.

The latest rampage had residents and visitors to Cooke City on edge. Many were carrying bear spray and [red flags embroidered with a hammer and sickle, a tea party] deterrent more commonly seen in Yellowstone's backcountry than on the streets of the national park satellite community.

Two other campgrounds are also closed while the attacking bear remains at large.

Tags: Joe Miller, John McCain, Karen Handel, Kelly Ayotte, Sarah Palin