• (Na Na Na Na Nana) Gettin' Whiggy Wit It

    Remember the Whig Party? No? That is because you were not born in 1830, and also because you did not pay attention in history class. You are the reason America is lagging behind in everything important. Anyhow, some people who RESPECT AMERICA have decided to Whig it up again, for old time's sake. And they're actually not weird LARPers or living history freaks. In fact, they're all about being, um… normal

    The Modern Whig Party was the brainchild of soldiers tired of the bickering that filled chow-hall TV screens on bases in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of them, Capt. Mike Lebowitz, a Washington lawyer then serving with the 101st Airborne Division, emailed his buddies and began talking up the idea of a party that would be fiscally conservative, socially liberal and generally mild-mannered. They picked the Whig name because of its ties to the Founding Fathers, William Henry Harrison and the early career of Abraham Lincoln.

    "Our whole goal when we started this was not to come across as weird or fringe," says the 32-year-old Mr. Lebowitz.

    If you are like most American jerks, you are confused by the concept of persons in the media spotlight who speak rationally about hot-button issues. You will probably not be surprised to learn that the Modern Whig Party doesn't get a whole lot of media coverage. Let us visit their very own website to learn more!

    We represent moderate voters from all walks of life who cherry-pick between traditional Republican and Democratic ideals in what has been called the Modern Whig Philosophy. This Washington DC-based national movement values common sense, rational solutions ahead of ideology and partisan bickering.

    This includes general principles of fiscal responsibility, strong national defense and educational/scientific advancement.

    Yaaaaaaawnsies. Where are their screaming Bachmanns or orange Boehners? Where are their facelifted Pelosis and their ethics-free Rangels?

    Oh, the Modern Whig Party only started in 2008?

    That explains it.

    Just give them time. They'll be churning out diaper-clad Vitters in no time.

    Tags: Abraham Lincoln, David Vitter, Founding Fathers, William Henry Harrison


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