• Arizona Republican Recruiting Homeless People to Run on Green Party Ticket, But Don't Worry, They're All White

    So, a bunch of Democrats are apparently mad at this one Republican guy* who's running for state legislature in Arizona has been recruiting homeless people off the streets of Tempe to run against his party in the upcoming elections.

    Now, I know what you're thinking, but don't worry. They probably won't win because they're running for the Green Party

    "Did I recruit candidates? Yes," said [Steve] May, who is himself a candidate for the State Legislature, on the Republican ticket. "Are they fake candidates? No way."

    To make his point, Mr. May went by Starbucks, the gathering spot of the Mill Rats, as the frequenters of Mill Avenue are known.

    "Are you fake, Benjamin?" he yelled out to [Thomas Pearcy 20, who is running for a seat on the Arizona Corporation Commission], who cried out "No," with an expletive attached.

    "Are you fake, Thomas?" Mr. May shouted in the direction of Thomas Meadows, 27, a tarot card reader with less than a dollar to his name who is running for state treasurer. He similarly disagreed.

    "Are you fake, Grandpa?" he said to Anthony Goshorn, 53, a candidate for the State Senate whose bushy white beard and paternal manner have earned him that nickname on the streets. "I'm real," he replied.

    Well, I suppose that settles that! You heard Candidate Grandpa; he's real! Look, he's even wearing a clean crisp brand new white shirt, which he probably just had pressed at the hobo dry cleaners. And the tarot-reader guy, not to be outdone, is all decked out in his best jester's hat. What other proof do you need, you cynical liberals?

    Seriously. The Democrats are always complaining about taking care of the poor and downtrodden, and now finally a Republican is here who's willing to pay attention to three of them for approximately two months, purely out of the goodness of his heart and the possibility that they will siphon votes away from the Democrats, and you Democrats shit all over it. Make up your mind, Democrats! It's either this, or we go back to homeless fight club organ harvesting festivals.


    * I don't really see how this matters to the story one way or another, but I kind of feel like I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't point out that Steve May is a gay Republican in Arizona. You know, it's like how when you see a really rare bird, you have to stop the care and take a look.

    Tags: Arizona, Green Party, LGBT, Republicans


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