• Rick Santorum Really Gives It to Dead Kennedy

    Former PA Sen. Rick Santorum is known far and wide as the sexiest human ever to exist. He is so sexy that columnist and podcasting troublemaker Dan Savage named a byproduct of butt sex after him. But today he went after the sexiest of all Americans, the dead president known as JFK!

    The occasion was the Values Voter conference, a D.C. free-for-all in which ignorant jerks wank off under folding tables to such luminaries as confirmed dumbass Christine O'Donnell, who also is sexy.

    What exactly did Rick Santorum say to get Dead John F. Kennedy so upset up in Ghost Heaven?

    "We are all engaged in a great battle," he told the conservative activists here. Santorum took issue with a famous speech delivered 50 years ago by then-presidential candidate John F. Kennedy, who became the nation's first Catholic president after assuring suspicious voters that "I believe the separation of church and state is absolute."

    "That never was and never will be in this country," said Santorum. "Not in this country. Maybe in France."

    Oh, shit, it's on! He dissed not only JFK, but also the nation of France?

    Rick Santorum, you are about to be haunted each and every night by famous non-alive Kennedys, of whom there are approximately 8,000,000. Hope your suite at the Omni Shoreham Hotel is real nice and cozy-like tonight. Make some extra room in that bed for one very pissed-off dead president. You should probably also make extra EXTRA room for one of his dead ghost mistresses.

    And the French will probably get you, too, by smothering you with crepes in your sleep. Maybe JFK will help with this.


    Tags: Bill of Rights, John Kennedy, Religion, Rick Santorum, Values Voter Summit, Washington DC

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