• Fox News' Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck More Influential Than Whoever Those People Are on MSNBC, Which Apparently Is a Channel of Some Sort

    So, as we head into these midterm elections which will decide whether the country despises Barack Obama and all his fellow members of the Socialist Party or merely hates them, we have to wonder, what cable news outlet do you suspect is most shaping the way that voters think about the candidates.

    Trick question. There's no thinking involved. It's Fox News

    Fox's opinionated personalities were also rated as having the greatest positive impact on the political debate in the country. Bill O'Reilly was rated as having, by far, the greatest positive impact, with 49 percent of respondents rating him positively, and 32 percent negatively.

    Glenn Beck was the second most-positively rated personality, with 38 percent of respondents saying he had a positive impact, and 32 percent saying he had a negative impact.

    Wow, I didn't realize that Glenn Beck was really all that influential. This probably explains why so many people will be crying after Election Day.

    Anyway, Fox News isn't the only channel in town, right? There's gotta be some counterbalance from MSNBC, don't you think? You know, MSNBC? That one with Rachel Maddow and Keith Olberman and that other guy, Ted Something or Other?

    MSNBC's personalities were largely ranked as unknown by respondents: 70 percent said they had never heard of Ed Schultz, 55 percent said they had never heard of Rachel Maddow and 42 percent said they had never heard of Keith Olbermann.

    Oh, well, um… That's… Look, here's the thing… Uh, okay, in a way this is good, because it means they're more like everyday Americans. Everyday Americans¬† who nobody cares about. They can use that to their advantage.

    Here's the thing. Not everybody can be a media darling like Jon Stewart…

    Although Comedy Central's Jon Stewart was ranked as having more of a positive than negative influence on the debate — 34 percent said positive compared with 22 percent for negative — 34 percent of respondents said they had never heard of him.

    Oh my God, if 34 percent of people never heard of someone like Jon Stewart, then that probably means — lemme do my math here — approximately 376 percent of people have never heard of me. Which means that you are not reading this right now. So, I guess that means I don't really need to come up with a joke for the end here.

    I think it also probably means that I don't actually exist. Which actually kind of works for me.

    Tags: Bill O'Reilly, Ed Schultz, Fox, Glenn Beck, Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann, Midterms, MSNBC, Polls, Rachel Maddow


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