Then God said, "Let there be Twitter." But then he was like "oh shit, that's not what I wanted." And thus the news cycle was never the same…
Fathers are a lot like microwaves; if you have one as a child you'll be happy, if you have two then you will never be a viable member of society.
Trying to make this story more hilarious would be like trying to make plastic more awesome. It ain't gonna happen– Stephen, teach us your ways.
This is why they call him Mahmoud 'the jokester' Ahmadinejad. Cause he's always making jokes. Plus it just rolls off the tongue.
The only person to blame here is the guy who accidentally booked Katy Perry for Sesame Street instead of Zooey Deschanel.
Score one for the pragmatic benefits of owning bathtubs full of gold coins.
Why can't everyone agree on whether or not the recession is over? Isn't it just a straightforward self-evident thing based on not-bullshit?
Darwin party this weekend at my house– if you show up as 'evolution of dance' you will get bounced.
[This tasteless joke preemptively removed by the author in the spirit of avoiding large media conglomerate warfare]
There are entirely unpredictable and totally shocking surprises in the world, and then there's this.
It's crazy how all these perfectly normal patriotic heterosexual individuals keep joining various branches of the military and then suddenly become treasonous gays.
Get twasty faced all week long, follow us on twitter @TheIndecider
Tags: DADT, Evolution, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Recession, Stephen Colbert, Tworld News