It's been a long, very predictable night. Some people lost, some people won. In the end, I think we all know that there are new people to make fun of and old people to also make fun of. Some folks might think that my blogging was liberal, but if there was a candidate who was a Democrat who got nominated by a Coffee themed party, maybe a Juan Valdez inspired green movement, I would have gladly teased them. Here is hoping that next election there are people so left of center claiming they aren't Mages that I can stick it to them and appease the center-right (hard core neo-cons LOVE Mages – it's their big weakness). Also, I guess I was wrong about Nevada. I guess that's the price I pay for guessing with nothing but polls to guide me. Also, without being mean, Sharron Angle was a pretty extreme candidate, according to rape victims and people who appreciate America's separation of church and laundry. I mean state. I always forget what America separates and it's church and state. I still can't believe that a state that condones prostitution and gambling wouldn't elect the most conservative lady running for office in America. Weird. Maybe next time?
I have always wondered how libertarians compromise and I will soon find out. Maybe they will get to rename roads "Taxways?" Also, I hope they get rid of the EPA and change it to the "Department of Uh-oh, oops spill."
The good news from this election is that C-SPAN will probably be fun to watch. It will be like a straight-to-cable Steven Seagal movie. Except instead of some weird form of karate, we will get to see people using the some weird form of the Constitution to kick ass.
It's too bad that this election is ending without anyone claiming Carl Paladino was a tranny. I guess this is what it feels like to put all your energy into something and see it disappear.
Taking this election as a mandate is a lot like a drunk guy taking making out with a drunk lady at a bar at closing time as a mandate. It is, but just for an hour or so.
Hopefully after the election, neither party will pass laws and will instead pass pledges. Whoever passes the best pledge will get to pledge again in 2012!
I will now call the most watched election of this year: Nevada. Obviously it is insane to compare any modern US politician to Hitler, especially if they’ve been falsely accused of being a Scientologist and show no obvious signs of wanting to eradicate Jews or take over Europe. However, it is worth pointing out that when Hitler came to power, Germany had a 30% unemployment rate. Since Nevada has a 15% unemployment rate, it is then fair to say that Sharron Angle is not Hitler, she is simply 50% Hitler. Enjoy your new Senator, Nevada.
Democrats still have a chance if they can go back in time and make the same mistakes again.
I hope at least one candidate who wins, be it Democrat or Republican, for their speech has the courage to admit, "Haha! I tricked you! Go fuck yourselves!"
Congratulations to Marco Rubio on being America's sexiest new senator (I am assuming John Edwards is not allowed to just come back and start passing laws).
Every midterm election the party in control looses seats and every time people on television go apeshit. That is the true sign of a healthy democracy! Also, the limited number of stabbings at polling stations. Those two things are the signs of a healthy democracy.
Republicans take control of the House! Sadly for them, their first act will be to disband the House, leaving control of legislature in the hands of VH1 executives. Get ready for a new and naughty government!
Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Eugene Mirman, Liveblog