OMG you guys you guys you guuuuuuuuys! It's Election Day! Huzzah! Whoopee! Bippity boppity bam scrammity boo! This day is so momentous that I, Sara Benincasa, your Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, must resort to a creepy pidgin semi-language of my own invention in order to express my excitement. Here I go again: blurg blarg blog VOTE!
Here's your schedule for the day (which we would call a "shed-jewel" had our tax-hating, land-owning national ancestors not overthrown the tyrannical Mother Britain):
1. VOTE. This is the most important thing anyone can do in the history of ever. The ghosts of dead rich white guys in wigs beckon you to the booth with whispered pleas. Shall you deny them their primary joy in their Bewigged Afterlife? (Their secondary joy is the lack of scurvy.)
2. READ INDECISION all frickin' day to catch our scintillating, highly-informative updates and livebloggery.
3. SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM NAKED. This only applies to hot straight guys with plans for marriage and children with a woman they hope to soon meet via the Internet. If you fit that category, you must email me said footage immediately, along with a 5-paragraph essay on a subject of your choice.
The siren song of my local voting booth is calling my name, and like Odysseus's men I find myself unable to resist. Rather than lash myself to the prow of a boat, I'm going to give in to the seductive lure of democracy and go down to my local public elementary school cafeteria for a date with Uncle Sam.
I hope you do the same, space kittens.
Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Election Day, Midterms, Sara Benincasa