• NC Representative Claims He Sucked at Football, Rules at Politics

    You are undoubtedly familiar with the Blue Dog Coalition, those handsome and talented conservative-to-moderate-but-mostly-conservative Democrats who came together after Republicans took the House of Representatives in 1994. They call themselves Blue Dogs because they’re all Furries who enjoy being spanked by female Smurfs. But while they may enjoy the tender ministrations of Dominatrix Smurf, they do not, on the whole, enjoy one Nancy Pelosi.

    Third-term Blue Dog Dem and former NFL disappointment Rep. Heath Shuler of North Carolina took the rhetorically-unprecedented step of applying a sports analogy (CAN YOU IMAGINE?!) to illustrate an opinion–in this case, opposition to Pelosi's bid for House Minority Leader

    "It's no different than me as a quarterback," he said in an interview here on Thursday. "I didn't play very good. So what they'd do? They benched me."

    Let’s get something straight, Heath. The Redskins didn’t bench you because you "didn't play very good." They benched you because you didn’t play very well. (You really didn’t.)

    Moving on, let’s imagine who Rep. Heath Shuler might prefer as his House Minority Leader.

    * Vince Lombardi (Were you aware that he coached the Redskins in 1969? This is a Fun Fact about a team with a horribly racist name! Also, ha-ha, " '69."

    * An actual blue dog. Specifically, the dog from "Blue's Clues."

    * Rep. Heath Shuler.

    Tags: Democrats, Football, Heath Shuler, House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, North Carolina, Sports


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