• John Bolton (and His Mustache) Might Be Heading for the White House

    I don't know if you've noticed, but there's been something missing in American presidential politics of late. Something of vital importance. And former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton just might be the man to bring it back

    "Yes, I am considering [running for president in 2012]," Bolton told conservative radio show host Aaron Klein's on WABC in New York. "If I did run, and I haven't made a decision, I have never run for office one way or the other, so it would be a pretty big decision to do it."

    Bolton, who serves as a Fox News commentator, said he's concerned that the national discourse does not include talk of foreign policy.

    That's right! I'm talking, of course, about facial hair. Not since Taft has this great nation been graced with a proper presidential mustache. (And, no, I don't count whatever that dirt was on Obama's upper lip for those few days in June.) And let's not even get into how long we've gone without a full beard or mutton chop sideburns.

    Oh, man, it's been too long, hasn't it? Sure, Bolton's idea of foreign policy is waggling his dick in the face of every foreign leader. But look at that glorious stash! I cannot imagine a person better equipped to lead our country bristle-first into a shining new day. Aside from Wilford Brimley, but I have not yet heard anything about him running. (Here's hoping!)

    Tags: Fashion, Fox, John Bolton, Republicans, United Nations, William Howard Taft


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