• Chinese Commie Babies Still Smarter Than Fat U.S. Freedom Teens

    Surprise! American students are still way stupider than the hormonal pubescent offspring of pretty much everywhere else — especially Red China! Well, the kids in Shanghai, at least

    With China's debut in international standardized testing, students in Shanghai have surprised experts by outscoring their counterparts in dozens of other countries, in reading as well as in math and science, according to the results of a respected exam.

    Despite the much-ballyhooed phenomenon of "helicopter parenting," American kids are a little above average in reading, crappy at science, and totally awful at math. Surely, Secretary of Education Arne Duncan will have some sort of explanation for how the evil Chinese SHANGHAI'D the top spot (HA!), or how American children would score highest in FEELINGS AWARENESS if that were a subject, right?

    "I know skeptics will want to argue with the results, but we consider them to be accurate and reliable, and we have to see them as a challenge to get better," he added. "The United States came in 23rd or 24th in most subjects. We can quibble, or we can face the brutal truth that we’re being out-educated."

    Jesus, Arne, why don't you just take a shit on an American flag to make your point clearer? You and your oddly-spelled first name can go ahead and move to CHINA if you like it there so much!

    Tags: Arne Duncan, China, Education


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