• President Signs "Gay Up the Military" Bill Despite Desperate GOP Efforts

    This morning, President Barack Obama signed a piece of paper that will give America what it wants more than anything: Gaaaaaaaaaay Sooooooooooldieeeeeeeeeers!!!

    "No longer will tens of thousands of Americans in uniform be asked to live a lie or look over their shoulder," Mr. Obama said during a signing ceremony in a packed auditorium at the Interior Department here. Quoting the chairman of his joint chiefs of staff, Admiral Mike Mullen, Mr. Obama went on, "Our people sacrifice a lot for their country, including their lives. None of them should have to sacrifice their integrity as well."

    You get a gay soldier! And you get a gay soldier! You've already had a bunch of gay soldiers, but now you can get even more! And you get a gay soldier despite the fact that you keep complaining about them so much that a lot of your friends are starting to wonder if there's actually anything you could possibly want more than a gay soldier!

    And you, Republicans, despite all your last minute sneaky time efforts, you get a giant ton of gay soldiers

    Republicans in the Senate filed an amendment to a sweeping defense authorization bill that would have required the four military service chiefs to be part of the certification process called for in the bill that repeals the "don't ask, don’t tell" policy.

    That would have put Marine Corps chief General James Amos, a vocal opponent of the repeal, in line to delay or potentially prevent its implementation. The amendment was filed late Tuesday to the defense measure, which could be voted on in the Senate on Wednesday.

    Obviously, though, that didn't work. Somebody or other objected or did something that bored me so I stopped reading, which maybe I shouldn't have done, but hey, that's my right! A lot of gay closeted soldiers died defending my right to stop reading boring articles that don't matter past the first few paragraphs when I get bored. Just like the gay closeted soldiers who died to defend Republicans, like Mitch McConnell and John McCain, and their rights to be spiteful petty bitches.

    Tags: Barack Obama, DADT, James Amos, LGBT, Military, Senate


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