• Scroogey Swiss Judge Persecutes Noble C.I.A. Informants

    Merry First Work Day After Christmas, sugar lumpkins! Did your children sufficiently rejoice over the leavings of a mythical fat man in a creepy suit? No? Well, surely a tale of alleged James Bond-ian international nuclear smuggling will serve to brighten your mood!

    A seven-year effort by the Central Intelligence Agency to hide its relationship with a Swiss family who once acted as moles inside the world’s most successful atomic black market hit a turning point on Thursday when a Swiss magistrate recommended charging the men with trafficking in technology and information for making nuclear arms.

    First of all, "magistrate" is an adorable occupation. It is up there with "cooper" and "blacksmith" in the Cute Professional Nomenclature Hall of Fame. Second, what what whaaat?

    This naughty Swiss family sounds just as clever and even more inventive than the Swiss Family Robinson, who crafted an entire live/work Kennedy-esque compound using only their smarts and the surprisingly useful bounty of a wrecked ship. Let's learn more about our new neutral, chocolate-loving, ski-happy heroes!

    The three men — Friedrich Tinner and his two sons, Urs and Marco — helped run the atomic smuggling ring of A. Q. Khan, an architect of Pakistan’s nuclear bomb program, officials in several countries have said. In return for millions of dollars, according to former Bush administration officials, the Tinners secretly worked for the C.I.A. as well, not only providing information about the Khan network’s manufacturing and sales efforts, which stretched from Iran to Libya to North Korea, but also helping the agency introduce flaws into the equipment sent to some of those countries.

    Friedrich, Urs, and Marco ratted on their boss to the C. I. frickin' A.?! These Swiss warriors risked the Wrath of Khan to make our government happy? WHY exactly are these people being prosecuted in their dumb, clock-obsessed home country?

    The U.S. should offer these Aryans sanctuary in a marvelous Florida treehouse of their very own, plus give them their own starfleet to command, plus give them a lifetime supply of Yodels for their trouble.

    Tags: CIA, Spying, Switzerland


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