The Onion: House Democrats Forced to Move All Their Things Back into Disgusting Minority Locker Room

Look, it's bad enough for congressional Democrats that they've completely lost control of legislation in the House. But nobody ever talks about this…

Suffering their greatest indignity since losing their majority in the midterm elections, House Democrats were forced this week to move all their personal belongings back into the filthy and dilapidated minority locker room, disgusted representatives confirmed Monday.

"This place sucks. We have to share lockers, and the latches on the bathroom stalls don't work so you have to hold the door shut," said Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH), adding that the House majority locker room has nice carpeting, leather furniture, places to hang their suits, and a Jacuzzi. "Plus, the floors are always wet, and it smells like piss. Who's pissing everywhere?"

House Democrats also reported finding a dirty pair of Champion shorts belonging to Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) and a wall covered in graffiti reading "Fuck Americans!"

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Tags: Democrats, Dennis Kucinich, House of Representatives, Onion Sportsdome, The Onion