The Onion drills down and uncovers the true reason that the U.S. Senate can't get anything done…
In a stunning disclosure this week, congressional sources revealed that the acrimonious gridlock in the U.S. Senate traces its origins to a single November evening in 1986, when Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) engaged in sexual intercourse with Sen. Mitch McConnell's (R-KY) then-wife, Sherrill.
"The impenetrable stalemate on crucial issues is not due to a widening ideological divide between parties, as we once thought," said Brookings Institution senior fellow Sarah Binder. "Rather, this inability to move the legislative process forward stems almost exclusively from a jealous and resentful Mitch McConnell, who has been unable to erase the mental image of Harry Reid pleasuring his wife one wild, passionate night some 25 years ago."
"It's been the elephant in the room for decades, and frankly, neither senator is willing to just man up and bury the hatchet," Binder added. "Unfortunately, our democracy continues to suffer the consequences."
And, on the House side of things, turns out Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner had once fought and clawed over the same putrefying buffalo carcass back on the Serengeti. It's funny how incapable we are of escaping the past.
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Tags: Harry Reid, Mitch McConnell, Onion Sportsdome, Senate, Sex, The Onion