So, remember those dead birds from Arkansas last week? So far, all the sciencey eggheads are willing to say is that they seem to have suffered some kind of "impact trauma" after being startled by some loud noises and flying into houses and trees. I don't know about you, but that explanation sure as hell doesn't satisfy me. (Last I heard, there are no houses or trees up in the sky.) There has to be a more logical explanation.
But, don't worry. Cindy Jacobs — "a respected prophet who travels the world ministering not only to crowds of people, but to heads of nations" for Generals International — is busy doing the scientists' jobs for them. Turns out, like most things, the simplest explanation is the most likely one. And, in this case, the simplest explanation is that the birds all died because of gay people in the Army…
Here's the part that really moved me…
According to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman [Ed note: and a woman and a woman and a woman], so we have to say “what happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles?”
Well, often [Ed note: often!] what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us — for instance, violent storms, flooding. And you know there are actually some patterns that you can see where a nation will make a decision that is contrary to the principles of God and after that there is some kind of answer that God gives — being the God of creation, the God who created nature – but we don’t always understand what He’s saying.
Oh, lots of patterns. And examples. You want examples? We've got examples of "nature itself will begin[ing] to talk to us" coming out the sinkhole. Why, there's so many examples that there's no point in even listing them. Any of them. My point is that there's just lots and lots of examples.
[T]he blackbirds fell to the ground in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas’ name is Beebe. And also, there was something put out of Arkansas called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by a former Governor, this was proposed, Bill Clinton.
Oh my God! It's all coming together! Beebe… Arkansas… Clinton… B.A.C. Bac. Bak. Bakula. Scott Bakula!
Scott Bakula — from television's Quantum Leap — is somehow involved in all of this. No wonder, we haven't heard from in a while. Because he was busy plotting the deaths of 5,000 birds! The simplest explanation is the most likely one!
Oh, and get this. Scott Bakula went to college at the University of Kansas. Arkansas. This is getting spooky.
Tags: Animals, Arkansas, Christianity, DADT, LGBT, Military, Religion, Weather