• The Onion: Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers

    It's been almost a decade now. I can't believe we're only now getting around to honoring these true American heroes

    In an act that many are calling long overdue, Congress passed legislation this week to honor those Americans who were first on the scene to profit from the tragedy of Sept. 11, 2001.

    The so-called 9/11 First Capitalizers Act, which passed by a wide margin in both the House and Senate, is the first measure to recognize the utter lack of sacrifice on the part of those men and women who did not hesitate to put their own personal agendas above all else when it mattered most…

    The bill not only honors those who rushed to Ground Zero immediately to sell merchandise, participate in photo ops, or advance an ideological agenda, but also those who profited from afar by producing jingoistic songs and TV specials, or mentioning 9/11 in stump speeches as a way of scaring people into voting for them.

    Among those Americans recognized were "United We Stand" T-shirt manufacturer Gary Tabano, country artists Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood, Halliburton CEO David Lesar, filmmaker Oliver Stone, former president George W. Bush, and 89 members of Congress itself.

    Onion Sportsdome airs Tuesdays at 10:30 pm / 9:30 c on Comedy Central.


    Tags: 9/11, George W. Bush, House of Representatives, Money, Movies, Music, Onion Sportsdome, Senate, Terrorism, The Onion, World Trade Center

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