• New (Non-)Fiction Book About Obama Administration Written by Person Tragically Born Without a Name

    It's so heartwarming and uplifting and vaguely empowering to see somebody overcome his or her disability and make their mark in this crazy herky-jerky world of ours, isn't it? That's why this new soon-to-be-published novel about a "president" of a "country" is making such a buzz in Washington's uber-literate circles lately.

    It's author, sadly, was born without a functioning name or gender-specifying pronoun

    The question of who wrote O has become the Washington parlour game of the winter. Simon & Schuster, which publishes it next Tuesday, has said only it is "someone who has been in the room with Obama and knows this world intimately".

    Rampant speculation has namechecked Rahm Emanuel (though he's a little busy running for mayor of Chicago), David Plouffe (has enough on his plate as Obama's new senior adviser) and the TV comedian Stephen Colbert (the book is not funny enough to have been by him).

    Ben Smith, a blogger at the Politico website, has diligently obtained denials from many potential culprits, which is in itself suspicious. So is he the author? "No. I'd be happy to take credit for it though — it's a fun read," Smith told the Guardian.

    The New York Times has acquired an excerpt from the novel, but I found it to be a little too long and dull and long. Instead, I invite you to read this excerpt which was sent directly to me and to nobody else and you can't prove that it's not true because it's impossible to disprove a negative

    President O awoke shortly before dawn and pounced from his presidential bed — like some sort of early-rising panther — to attack a new day. Over the course of the night, sweat had collected on his coffee with two creams-colored skin and so he walked into the presidential bathroom and turned the water on in the presidential shower. "I'm going to take a shower now," he yelled to his wife, still lying in the presidential bed, upon whom there was no reason for anybody to suspect he might be cheating.

    "Okay," she yelled back, lovingly but also half-asleepedly.

    "You don't need to get in here first, do you?" he yelled back at her, concerned that she might need to use the toilet or something.

    "No," she yelled back, in a sleep-induced haze but still grateful for his concern.

    "Alright then," he yelled back, content that she would get along fine, until the end of his shower at least.

    He dropped his presidential robe and got into the presidential shower, picking up the presidential soap and rubbing it across his naked presidential chest. "I wonder what I should do about health care reform," he said to himself.

    Later that day, the Vice President ran into his oval-shaped office and yelled, "President O! The terrorists are on the phone. They're threatening to blow up the Statue of Liberty unless you resign!"

    President O spun dramatically in his swivel chair and looked out the window. "I'll have to think about what to do about this," he said dramatically.

    Oh my! Heart-poundingly exciting, huh?!

    Tags: Barack Obama, Ben Smith, Books, David Plouffe, Rahm Emanuel, Stephen Colbert


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