Here at your Indecision, we generally cover issues of national and international import. It is not often that we concern ourselves with the likes of, say, a mayoral race in a windy city with a noble yet ultimately disappointing football franchise. But! Today we make an exception, for today a great injustice has been visited upon one of America's greatest metropolises… metropoli? Metropo… Oh, fuck it. Chicago.
Something awful happened in Chicago. Here is that city's own newspaper (this is a thing printed on trees for old people) with the report…
Rahm Emanuel was thrown off the ballot for mayor of Chicago Monday by an appellate court panel, a stunning blow to the fund-raising leader in the race.
An appellate panel ruled 2-1 that Emanuel did not meet the residency standard to run for mayor.
We join the chorus of agony rising from every streetcorner in Chicago! How can such a travesty unfold? How can the privileged son of a privileged family not be permitted the privilege of being in charge of any city he wants?
Opponents have argued Emanuel is not a resident of Chicago because he rented out his North Side home while serving as chief of staff to Obama. The renter — Rob Halpin — refused to allow Emanuel to move back in after Mayor Daley’s announcement last year that he would not seek re-election. Halpin briefly ran for mayor himself.
This "Rich Halpin" is a monster! A MONSTER! What sort of scuzzlebucket would prevent The Rahm from moving back into his own house? (Also, is that even possible? Chicago is so weird.)
The only solution is for the people of Chicago to peacefully rise up and refuse to recognize the kingship/mayoralty of anyone who isn't Rahm Emanuel. Hear us now and believe us always: If you are not a Jewish ex-ballerina with anger management issues, you are not the one Chicago has been waiting for! FREE RAHM!
Tags: Chicago, Illinois, Rahm Emanuel