• Breaking: Obama Uninterested in Murdering Your Grandma

    It is always comforting when Barack Obama reassures the nation that he does not in fact desire to assassinate our Grandmas, Nanas, Mee-Mas and Abuelitas

    President Obama defended the health care law yet again today, remarking that the bill has been portrayed over the last ten months as, "a job-crushing, granny-threatening, budget-busting monstrosity," by opponents who wish to repeal the bill.

    "That just doesn't match up to the reality," Obama said at the Families USA’s 16th Annual Health Conference in Washington, DC today, "I can report that Granny is safe. In fact, Grandma's Medicare is stronger than ever."

    Phew! You can take back that AK-47 you bought for Granny for Christmas out of the back of that drunk dude's truck at that gun show. Turns out that background check he neglected to do wouldn't have even mattered, anyway!

    But this does raise another troublesome question. Now that fear has been removed from the equation, what will keep our nation's elderly from rising up and enslaving the rest of us? (You know they've been thinking about it.)

    Maybe Obama should've just let those scary rumors ride.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Health, Health Care, Medicare


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